All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
