I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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