Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
