Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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