Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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