Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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