I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
