okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
