My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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