she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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