imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
