did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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