i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
