having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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