she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
