Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
