dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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