We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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