we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
