the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
