she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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