You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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