I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
