Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
