I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
