I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
