girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
