thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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