I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize