Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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