God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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