The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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