So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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