My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize