We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
