why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
