get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
