Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
