i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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