I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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