rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
