I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
