I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
