my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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