We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
