when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
