Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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