Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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