once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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