His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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