When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
