now i know why i became what i already was.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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