Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
