1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
