god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
