I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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