now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize