he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
