She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize