I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
