Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
