Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
