while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
