I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize