I'm gonna have a badass scar
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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