That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
