Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
