The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
