Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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