Umm I'm too high to move.
Quick, to the slutcave!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
