Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
