Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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