what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I want a musical about memes.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize