He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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