Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
