Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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