even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize