i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want to make out with him forever
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
