It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
