Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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