We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
