I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize