she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
