how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
