i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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