He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
