You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
