I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
