I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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