I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
